im back, i guess.

im tired of this school year. im done faking that your stupid little jokes (that are meant to be funny but end up hurting me) are funny, because they're not. i remember when i went out with corey brown for 8 months and i hung out with all of his friends and was invited to all these places because i was his girlfriend. now i dont even talk to those people, and it kind of sucks, since they were fun people. my like has been like that lately. in a constant state of not hanging out with anyone anymore. actually, the only person that calls me is eric. and the only people that i DO hang out with is the drumline and the colorguard, but now indoor is over, so i dont know whats going to be happening. i want it to be summer, so that i can pick up ella and drive up to salem to see him. then he'll feel crappy for treating me the way he did, even though he doesn't even know that i still think about him and wonder if he knows that i hate him so much for what he did, but that i cant hate him at all. im so sick of all those stupid boys that act like they like you, and pinch you and write on the back of your arms, thinking that its funny to see you get annoyed, and you wish that you could turn around and punch them, because that is SO not the way to flirt. what it IS is the perfect way to get youself slapped. and then there's eric, who is afraid that he'll get dumped because he doesnt know where the line is and doesnt want to do anything because he doesnt want to cross it... and i love that. but i hate all of the people that say that we are going to get married, because its so stupid and awkward, and i have no idea who i want to marry. i wish that eric didnt work so much. and i wish that i could get a job, like lisha, who gets a call the week after she applies. i cant even get a call after the second application.

im tired of trying.

i feel like huck finn, just chilling on my raft down the river waiting for something to happen.

something needs to happen.

dear xanga,

            you've been with me since what... 6th grade? ive obsessed over the days where i couldn't update you, made sure that there was a computer around about every two days or so, even broken an internet grounding at megan's house just so i could update the amazing xanga.

well,

           unfortunately, all must good things must come to an end.

im going to keep you, even though it creeps me out to look at my footprints and see all of the weird search engines from Russia that look at my site, but its always good for the memories.

thanks for many splendid years,

always yours,

`*`Blayre

8 months yesterday

[ily poodle]

`*`

TOMORROW.

`*`

and on that particular day,

the name written on the envelope of the birthday card read

"Alice".

thanks for a special day you guys, even though im not 16 yet.

`*`